Easter is my favorite holiday. It isn't overhyped. The whole easter bunny thing isn't annoying, it's just amusing. Especially when your creative writing professor comes to poetry class in a bunny suit, due to a contest he won.

I guess it has the most meaning to me. It's better than Christmas. Because of what Christ did today, over 2000 years ago. He died because I'm a sucky person, and was raised from the dead!!! I have died with him. I am resurrected with him. Today, I am brought back to life. Of course, this should be an everyday thing, but the symbolism of this remembrance blows me away.

"Because he looked death in the face and didn't flinch,
because he embraced the company of the lowest.
He took on his own shoulders the sin of the many,
he took up the cause of all the black sheep."- Isaiah 53

You don't know how many circles I feel like the scapegoat, or black sheep in. Or, maybe you do. I often feel pity for myself due to that. But Jesus was the ultimate scapegoat, even though he was perfect.

That gives me something to celebrate. My scapegoat mentality to be erased.

Now for my release of "feelings"...

I have wanderlust. Like CRAZY. I cannot keep still. I cannot stay in one place all the time. I cannot focus my attention even though it seems like all I do is work.

I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God, do you hear that? I guess you do, since you are sending me to Kenya. But I am going crazy being here right now. At CNU. I HATE IT HERE. I never hated CNU as much as I do this year. It's just as I'm feeling purpose here too. I feel like I am actually doing things for my community. But it's a good thing there's a couple weeks left, because I CAN'T TAKE IT MUCH LONGER.

I wander. AROUND TOO MUCH. If I had car, I'd be far away right now. I'd escape to the mountains. Then I'd get bored and move to the city. Even on campus I wander. I start doing work in the library, and without too much time spent there, I go to the Student Union, and if it's a nice day, I'll start reading outside. Then I see 16 of my best friends and talk to like 8 of them. I go to Ratcliffe to go to class, and then the cycle starts ALL OVER AGAIN. When I do work, I cannot stay in one place. When I hang out with people, I wonder what others are doing.

I suck at being a friend because of this. Who wants to be friends with someone who wants to be somewhere else?? I ALWAYS WANT TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE. I feel like I'm pointless wherever I am. I am of no use.

I am supposed to be writing a Ulysses paper. And that book wanders EVERYWHERE. Aimlessly. That's how I'm feeling right now. Completely aimless and reckless.

Solution?? Refer to the beginning of the post.
Christ is the only solid place I have.

CHRIST IS THE ONLY CONSISTENT PERSON IN MY LIFE!!



Solution:
Reliance on Christ to allow me to REST. REST in whatever place I am. Rest when I'm doing nothing. Rest when I'm doing everything.



Some of you aren't Christians and may be confused by what I'm saying but BELIEVE ME when I say, you and I, WE BOTH ARE IN DESPERATE NEED OF CHRIST RIGHT NOW.

We are prone to wander. We are prone to be lost. We recklessly play around in the dark. We drown ourselves in our anxieties. We are imperfect. Your story is my story.

Jesus Christ is perfect and loves you and I enough to rescue us from the wretched places we put ourselves in. Even though we run away, he chases us. He pursues us. He saves us from being dead.

THIS IS SUCHHHH GOOD NEWS. WHY DON'T I LEAN ON THIS MORE???

why do I try to trust in myself?? why do I try to take control??? why do I do things for my OWN glory??


It's Jesus. All we need is him. God, I am so sorry for ignoring you. So sorry for setting you aside.

"We looked down on him, thought he was scum.
But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—
our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.
We thought he brought it on himself,
that God was punishing him for his own failures.
But it was our sins that did that to him,
that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!
He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
Through his bruises we get healed.
We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost.
We've all done our own thing, gone our own way.
And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong,
on him, on him."- Isaiah 53 (the message)


Isaiah is an amazing book. Give it a read sometime.