I should be doing poetry homework. I should be reading for class.
The point is, I'm not. And I'm not stressed. School is taking a back seat.
Let's celebrate this!!
Yes, I am a college student. That involves school as a priority. But one thing I am learning is that school should never come in the way of living.
And it has this semester. That's a problem.
This weekend, I had a realization. In the course of this semester itself, I have become a task-oriented individual rather than a person-oriented friend. Getting things done is not bad. Being task-oriented isn't bad either for people who are naturally this way. But I am not.
I have a short enough attention span with relationships as it is. I gravitate towards people easily but I am not with being intentional. Task-oriented people HAVE to be intentional, or they get no time with anyone.
One thing I lack an incredible amount of is intimacy. I never quite grasped that idea. I like being friends with everyone so I spread myself too thin, not making deep friendships. I am incredibly personal and vulnerable which makes a lot of people think I'm closer to them than I am. It makes me think I'm closer to people than I am. But I am randomly vulnerable. I can share my problems with a complete and total stranger.
I am trying to learn how to be truly intimate and not decievingly so. With God. With people. With fewer friends rather than plenty (and my busy lifestyle no involves plenty). I don't know how to do it. I'm asking God to show me how. Because I have no idea.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Thursday, March 08, 2007
What a perfectly lazy day. I slept in. I read some. I ate food. I love spring break.
Yesterday was my birthday. Sometimes I hate how much I love my own birthday. How narcissistic, right. However, I don't feel that way anymore. I feel as though this year, this very year marks a sort of rebirth in my life. Through Christ's bountiful grace, I have been learning. Learning to overcome vices, attitudes and attachments which have ruled over my life. I feel free to strike them down through the power given to me in Christ alone. I am discovering what my gifts are and exploring ways to use them. I am finally in a major that makes me not feel that inferior complex. I have no idea where I am going, but I have some distinct passions which make me excited. No matter where I end up it is where I'll be. The wind blows as it pleases.
I am learning not to take things at surface value and delve into them further. For example, these few years in school, for the most part without knowing, I have been learning reformed theology. I have loved it, and it's reawakened me to a central aspect of the gospel, grace. However, I realized that it's been what's mostly in the environment I have to chosen to be in. I am not beginning to research what it means to be a Calvinist and if I actually subscribe to this. My feeling right now says, in part, but I also will not make an idol of an ideology. Emergent theology also captivates my attention. Also, I feel in my theology explorations I should not leave out my charistmatic roots. Although this could be the most criticized part of the church, and certainly what I have been most jaded by, the church should not operate by head, but the Spirit overflowing the place where 2 or more gather. I have been largely ignoring for the past time. I feel though, if I ignore it any further, part of me will die.
Back to my lazy day, I have been spending a lot of time reading blogs about theology. I also arranged some flowers I recieved for my birthday in a potted plant my parents sent me. I recovered from my late night out, which actually did not involve a hangover. My roommate and I are probably going to bake cookies. I have been listening to Explosions in the Sky.
Also I came across a most interesting article about identity theft
Yesterday was my birthday. Sometimes I hate how much I love my own birthday. How narcissistic, right. However, I don't feel that way anymore. I feel as though this year, this very year marks a sort of rebirth in my life. Through Christ's bountiful grace, I have been learning. Learning to overcome vices, attitudes and attachments which have ruled over my life. I feel free to strike them down through the power given to me in Christ alone. I am discovering what my gifts are and exploring ways to use them. I am finally in a major that makes me not feel that inferior complex. I have no idea where I am going, but I have some distinct passions which make me excited. No matter where I end up it is where I'll be. The wind blows as it pleases.
I am learning not to take things at surface value and delve into them further. For example, these few years in school, for the most part without knowing, I have been learning reformed theology. I have loved it, and it's reawakened me to a central aspect of the gospel, grace. However, I realized that it's been what's mostly in the environment I have to chosen to be in. I am not beginning to research what it means to be a Calvinist and if I actually subscribe to this. My feeling right now says, in part, but I also will not make an idol of an ideology. Emergent theology also captivates my attention. Also, I feel in my theology explorations I should not leave out my charistmatic roots. Although this could be the most criticized part of the church, and certainly what I have been most jaded by, the church should not operate by head, but the Spirit overflowing the place where 2 or more gather. I have been largely ignoring for the past time. I feel though, if I ignore it any further, part of me will die.
Back to my lazy day, I have been spending a lot of time reading blogs about theology. I also arranged some flowers I recieved for my birthday in a potted plant my parents sent me. I recovered from my late night out, which actually did not involve a hangover. My roommate and I are probably going to bake cookies. I have been listening to Explosions in the Sky.
Also I came across a most interesting article about identity theft
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