Choices

I'm home. It feels a little strange being here, like everything here is new to me again. Just so many simple things are different. I can pull food out of the refigerator whenever I want, and make as much coffee as I want. I have high-speed internet, so I can be on as much as I want. I have over 500 channels on Direct TV to watch, and will probably watch my first movie in America in awhile. I can play music in my room whenever I want. Non worship and praise music. Not like I don't adore it but I haven't listened to secular music in 2 months (save the overhead music blaring on the matatus and the cheesy music at a hotel, and the music I could listen to on the airplane). I can smoke my new pipe. I can drink some wine if I'd like. I'm in the "land of the free." I can do whatever I want with regard to no one else. If I want to keep consuming meat like I did in Kenya from people's hospitality, I can do so. But I'm also free to be independent and choosy about what I eat.

In America, we have so many choices. We can do whatever we want. No wonder we're so apathetic. No wonder we're so selfish.

I'm supposed to use these next few days to rest. What does it mean to rest in a land filled with distractions? My host, Mama Susan uses every Sunday to rest in honoring the Sabbath. I asked her what she "did" when she rests. She looked at me, a little stunned. "I don't do anything." I look at her puzzled as well as she was. "Nothing? You don't read, or knit, or watch TV?"
She said simply that all that isn't rest. When she rests, she really doesn't do ANYTHING. She doesn'r even THINK about anything. She just sits and is still. It's in these times she enters the prescense of God.

I don't how to rest. It's hard for me just to turn my mind off. I have to always be doing something. If I'm reclined I need a movie, or the computer, or food. I need to be consumed in something. And I just can't turn my mind off. It's why I have trouble falling asleep at night. I'm always thinking about something.

I am thrown back into a land of many choices. With those choices, I can choose rest, or I can choose writing this blog on my laptop while listening to Denison Witmer. Typically, I don't choose rest. I choose noise. Everything is noise. This laptop, my music, movies, books. Everything I do to amuse myself. We're so focused on entertainment in this country. This became more evident to me as I lived in Kenya without movies, without books (until i bought some there), without "my" music. I lived with all these things that I thought keep me functioning. But the truth is, I functioned so much better without all of that noise. On my assignment, I had absolutely nothing to do at times. It was these times that I went into the prescense of God. Where I learned the value of silence. When I saw scripture open up in ways I could never imagine. And I could learn how to let God cradle me in his arms.

Now I'm home. I feel at a loss of this valued silence. But the truth is that I do have choice. I can turn everything off. I can turn off all the lights. I can live without the glimmer of the movie screen. I can live without my music. It's not like these things are evil. But they can become idols if I indulge in them more than I indulge in God. And I do. And I definitely did before I went to Kenya.

But now I have these days to rest and I should not take them for granted. It is now that I learn the secret to be content whether in abundance or in want. I don't need to be in Kenya to rest in God's arms.

I want to live. Not be a mindless indulgent zombie.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I can pray. Listen. Cry out. Be Still. Meditate on Scripture. Dance in the storm. Keep my family company. Comfort the mourning. Rest. Be.

It's time to learn.