quiet

I haven't had a lot of time to be quiet lately. I could blame that on recently starting two jobs..but no. This started way before now. I don't even know when it started. But it's made my relationship with God not relational. Instead it's been reduced to following a system of values.

I do a lot of church stuff. And I know I need to cut it down. The problem is, I haven't yet committed to ministry with one church. I have this continuous discontentment with churches and I find that it's hard to be fed.

However, I am not so sure that the problem is necessarily with the churches. It's with me. I need to first cut down my involvements. Next I need to seek God in the quiet of the day.

Silence is golden. I don't spend a lot of time there. Even when my music's turned off and I am unexposed to any of media, my mind is still busy. It scrutinizes and over analyzes. It plans and it worries. It's self-absorbed...always seeing my life through the lens of a novel or a movie, instead of a real life.

Yesterday, I was on my way to work. I had my music on. It's counter-intuitive for me to turn it off. But I did. And to quiet the thoughts racing through my brain, I started praying aloud. It was the best thing to do. After that, instead of returning back to my mind of flesh, I just started worshiping God. It wasn't out of any triggering event. I did not have any emotions overwhelming to get to that point. It was simply a response. My first response in awhile that came without a complaint. It felt nice just to worship God without asking, asking, asking (which is all I had been doing).

I felt satisfied in God for the first time in awhile. It's so good just to feel content that you are walking in God's plan. Even if things are not as you expected. They're unpredictable and things are always transitional. Nothing stays. Except Him