This weekend. I could probably write 20 pages about it. But, I'll keep it brief, biblical, and beneficial.

It was Intervarsity 222 conference, pretty much right down the road. I did not want to go. I was set against it. It was the last thing I wanted to do.

I finally decided to go. And for my track, I did journey. Which was good, very basic. And I needed that. So badly.

It seems that part of me has forgotten what it is to be a Christ follower. Lately, I've been too comfortable screaming in the dark. This weekend, I made a serious recommittment. And I'm determined to follow through.

There's so much to say.

1) I always forget...

grace + nothing= right standing with God

2) silence is golden. I should spend more time in silence before God to actually listen to him. there's so much noise. especially music and technology (this stupid computer).

3) the story of the prodigal son really gets to me. it really irks my flesh (Luke 15). It always seemed to me that the lost son got more reward than the loyal son. in my life, i've felt like the loyal son. and then part of me still feels like the lost son, even though I've always been at "home". ugh. i don't feel like typing out everything about this passage right now. so if you want more unloaded, just ask.

3) i have real problems with anger. i have a cold heart, especially towards other girls. my relationships with the same gender are just not as close as they should be. i harbor a great deal of resentment. i pinpointed the root of it, which i can't really express adequately on a public blog, so if you want more unloaded, then once again, please ask.

4) the last point comes down to essentially two things
-forgiveness
-humbling myself. letting down my pride. getting my high horse. i value my identity and opinions too much. even over Christ. i need that stipped away.

with those two things, maybe reconcilation can take place. and this isn't just with girls. but with the other gender too, especially my closest relationships.

This is all seems very straight-forward and list-like. But I'm struggling with a great deal of emotions dealing with these things. Lately, it's just been, just been ugh. So in the dark. I just want to be in light. I want to be completely transformed. I had a really good cry last night, in talking to people I didn't even know until this weekend (my small group for the weekend). I hate crying in front of people, but honestly in just felt good to let go. There was only one person I knew in the small group, but I never knew him all too well, or his story leading to him knowing Christ. It was good that he was in my group because he went to my high school. It's amazing to see how Christ has transformed someone I used to know as someone else. I don't get to see that too often. It's really encouraging. I really liked everyone in my small group, and was able to rejoice with them in their sorrows and joys.

I am letting go now.



on a completely different note, a lot of my roommates are catching on to my love for organic and yummy foods at Trader Joe's. They're shopping there and even keep talking about it. Now if only I could be as excited about Christ to other friends as I am for Trader Joe's.



" I could more easily contain Niagra Falls in a tea cup than I can comprehend the wild, uncontainable love of God. If our faith is going to be criticized, let it be for the right reasons. Not because we are too emotional but because we are not emotional enough; not because our passions are so powerful but because they are so puny; not because we are too affectionate but because we lack a deep, passionate, uncompromising affection for Jesus Christ."
-The Ragamuffin Gospel