time to move forward, give my all, and refuse to give up

"I know that I have to move from speaking about Jesus to letting him speak within me, from thinking about Jesus, to letting him think within me, from acting for and with Jesus to letting him act through me.

I know the only way to see the world is through his eyes. Everything has to become very simple, very unified, very focused. It is no longer a question of being up-to-date or well-informed.

At this moment of history- my own as well as that of the world- I have to go to the very center of being; the center where time touches eternity, where earth and heaven meet, where God’s word becomes human flesh, where death and immortality embrace. There is no longer a question of options. I have heard a voice saying, “Give me everything and I will give you everything.” " - Henri Nouwen

Lately, I have been a slave to many things. I have one too many idols. The number one idol? Relationships. I'd rather relate with people (especially guys) than relate with God. Being a slave is exhausting and it keeps you from doing anything purposeful whatsoever, because you are just too focused on what you want which is keeping you bound. I want to focus upon the Lord, and give him all of my attention but my flesh repeatedly keeps myself from it. Today, I died again. Today, I am laying aside my earthly ambitions to somehow obtain Christ's death and resurrection. Through his strength, not mine. I cannot go on any longer on my own. It is way too defeating. Way too depressing. I will choose the better life, no matter how hard it seems, putting aside my judgments and how I think other people will now perceive me. If you're a close friend of mine, please help me stay accountable to this re-commitment. Please. This bondage has not yet given up on me. Pray that through Christ's strength, I might break it down.

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!"- Galatians 2:20-21

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."- John 15:1-8