It rings so true in my life. Over this past year, I've gone through significant loss. I don't want to scare anyone who is about to graduate college, but I will tell you, be prepared.
One of my friends and I are going through a Beth Moore study on John: The Beloved Disciple. A year ago, I wouldn't be caught dead reading Beth Moore. Not because I knew anything about her or her theology, but because of a cheesy book title I saw from her, entitled "Get yourself out of that PIT." She's on the front cover, all made up and perfect looking with a big goofy grin, and in typical Janelle-fashion, I judged her and stuck my nose up at reading any of her bible study books.
But nevertheless, I am doing this study. One thing I like about it is that it's really quick and easy- a characteristic of a bible study I used to disdain. But it makes so non-threatening and approachable which is perfect for this time of my life. Except, her questions are not easy.
I stumbled over this following question yesterday. Not having any words. Not having any knowledge. I like to think of myself as someone with a lot of knowledge, but I came up empty-handed here:
What have you learned from seasons of separation - those moments when change and transition leave you feeling at a loss?
When I read that question and considered its implications, I wanted to throw the 2 pound book across the room. But I just stared at it, not knowing the answer. No words came up. I who normally have words for everything.
The loss of a college environment may seem to some to be insignificant. But, boy, it hasn't been for me. Everyday I get ready for work and drive my car an hour rather than riding Lady Green through campus, I feel like I've lost a huge part myself. I enjoyed a sizable amount of freedom to be who I wanted to be in college and I generally felt accepted.
I don't feel free here. And I am not blaming my church, work, friends or anyone around here. It's just so routine. And there were so many things I did in college that I don't feel at ease to do anymore.
If you're still in college and reading this, please don't take for granted what you have. I'm sure you commuter students have a totally different experience which won't amount to as much loss when you're done. But for those of you who are away at school and flourishing in your college environment, count your blessings.
Right now, I am beginning to let go. I am striving forward to find complete freedom in knowing Jesus Christ- and allowing my spirit to flourish through Him alone. I guess that's what I'm learning through my loss and my forever long transition period.
"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."- Phillippians 3: 7-11
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