11 years

Today was one crappy day. I started the day with a stressful situation and despite the moments of redemptive grace throughout the day (which mostly involved food) I was under intense spirtitual attack. It has just been one of those weeks at work where you wonder if you will get anything done, ever. I was overwhelmed and not with grace-oriented mindfulness. So mostly, my day became all about me. How stressed I was. How I have been feeling poured out after a day of total rest and rejuvenation with God. Why and how do these things happen? I think it is very commonplace to hit a valley as soon as we hit a spiritual high. And that's what today was.

It came as no surprise to me when I realized the significance of today's dates- 1/20/2010. I got the jitters when I saw that date as a deadline a few days ago- maybe it was just the deadline, but that only surfaces the anxiety of that date.

11 years ago today, in a few hours, my oldest brother got in a car accident. He got a spinal cord injury and became a quadripalegic. Despite the tragedy of that night, God worked powerful miracles as well. Redemptive acts of grace were seen through that whole evening. Basically it's a miracle that my brother and his friends were alive.They were discovered right away.

1/21 is actually a bigger day for me, because that's the day 12 year old Janelle found out. I remember not getting out of bed that morning. It was a ritual of mine to try to *accidentally* sleep in sometimes and get driven to school late. This was not simply because I was lazy, but school was a place of extreme anxiety for me. Between unhelpful teachers just trying to pull their curriculum and students who generally didn't talk to me (and when they did it was not pleasant), I feared going to school.

Daniel, my second oldest brother finally woke me up that morning. But it wasn't until 8 or 8:30. I could immediately sense something was not right besides him saying "Janelle, Janelle, something terrible just happened last night." There was a sorrow expressed in his face, and Mark's face (my third brother standing just outside the room) that I had never seen. Not even when my grandma passed on 4 or 5 years before (on the same day).


I couldn't believe they let me sleep in while everyone was dwelling in this terrible news. I did not know much about what was going on except that there was a car accident. My parents were currently as the hospital.My first question "Is Justin alive?" was affirmed but still wasn't entirely sure what his physical state was. Daniel told me softly that they were saying he might never walk again.

The events of these two days changed the course of Justin's life and the rest of my family.

Although, what happened was quite tragic. It was hopeful. It also became a new norm in my life, so much that I became insensitive to the pain of Justin's injuries over the years. But it's hard as a teenager to see something like this through someone else's eyes rather than your self-centered spectacles.

It was hopeful, because through this event Justin was brought new life. He accepted Christ in the hospital. I am impressed with the man he has become today. He is a prayer warrior. He is more concerned with others than himself. Christ is living vibrantly within him. It of course took several years of maturity to become who he is now. I am so proud of who he is and who he was 11, 6 and 3 years ago.

He doesn't see the world as most people see it. Most people do not have to continuously depend on other people. Most people forget to depend on God. He views his accident as a blessing-- if not for this interruption he has wondered where he would be today. Justin was an extremely social, popular, partier. His mind was geared towards his own wants and own indulgences. Now he is geared toward Christ.

So although today was miserable and tomorrow will likely be too (every single year I experience spiritual warfare on this day) I need to remember who it is who is charge of this whole messy, beautiful earth and the starry heavens which look down on it. I need to remember what God is doing and has done today and yesterday and tomorrow. It is simply awe-inspiring how the Lord's redemptive grace weaves in and out of our lives. He makes all things new. He makes all things beautiful in it's time.

I look forward to not seeing this day as a curse, but as an actual blessing and I think that's in the works.