i've meant to post these poems up on here since i wrote them a couple weeks ago, while I was too distracted by myself to pay attention at IV and CNU Tonight practice. as i typed them, i did make minor changes, but, they're not very good. sometimes it's just therapeutic to release your true feelings through shitty poetry.

knowing

I look around me
all I see is familiar,
here in this room.
A few I don't know
and I feel confidence
the majority I do know.
but wait?
why do I have confidence
in knowing them?
I step outside here
and I know few
too few
outside these walls
of people singing
shiny faces
and with all my knowing
i feel so alone
this place
is it my hiding place?
a place to trick people
that I know
what it is to be alive?

here and there

I'm here.
I promise.
What,
just because there's no
cheery smile and
hearty hello,
I'm upset?
I'm disturbed?
Doomed?
Yeah,
I'm here.
Not myself,
but not bad..
just present, I guess.
Watch my eyes as they shine
briefly
then glance away in disinterest;
cause right now
I'd rather be still
and just breathe.
So,
I am here
and you are there,
where you can stay.

words. words. words.

words flow from my lips.
silly words. awkward.
I-I try to correct myself.
Try to make it right.
What need?
In my mind,
will I ever be right?

words roll off my tongue.
silly words make
awkward conversation
Don't know what I'm sayinh.
or if this person
really matters.
and,
does he care
how awkward I am?

words pour out of me.
and i can't help myself.
silly. awkward. obscure.
I say what I think;
when I don't,
the words stumble
and ceases to continue.
That is when
I feel the most awkward.

Methods
I turn up the volume
as high as the morning'll alow
even muster up a dance
as i change into my green dress.
I set the coffee pot on --
top priority.
My! how deliciously potent it'll be!
the aroma itself
awakens and excites.
I instant message,
as my friends and I
exchange wits.
the coffee is ready--
here I come!
dash of creamer,
dash of cinnamon
and it's there.
I sit down. just sit
sipping the hot liquid
filling my mouth
and empty stomach.
Disappointed by
its lack of expected potency,
I laugh to myself,
"Yeahhhh, I'll need this
again in a few hours!"
Then get up, make away
back to the computer,
where my life is awaiting.
what a life.