(I know it's silly to write these things. And my cynic self hates me for it.)
I want my knees to quiver. I want my stomach to tighten into a thousand little knots. I want my face to change three shades of color when I talk to him. And not because I'm shy or embarrassed but because of the way he says my name. I want to burst into dancing when I'm in a room myself, and thinking about him. I do not want to know any anguish of whether he likes me or not, but see it in his intentional actions. I want to feel relief to share affection with him. Without feeling mushy or silly. I want him to pursue me. I do not want to reduce myself to sit around and wait for him. I want to play. I want to fingerpaint with him, doodling crazy lions with our fingertips.I want him to be as bad as dancing as I am, and flaunt it. I want him to know good music and read good poetry. I want him enthused, not overbearingly happy. I want him introspective, not silent. I want a boy who I can stand kissing. Who I want to look at me with those lovesick eyes. Who makes love feel stupid. Stupid and good. I want a boy who I can trust won't judge me. Who will talk to me openly about things ranging from God's sovereignty to burping techniques. Who will trust me with his burdens as I will with mine. Who I can walk along with as an equal. Not one of us having control over another. Deciding things together. Leading together.I want a boy who seeks adventure in the great wide world and in everyday ordinariness. I want a boy who doesn't make me want to hurl when he tells me he loves me. I want a boy who I can choke out the words "I love you" to without making my squinty, disgusted face.
Waiting around is hard. I don't want to wait. For this sort or whoever God has set out for me. Yet, if I were to simply settle for the next boy I meet, will the desires of my heart be anywhere close to fulfilled? I am a cynic when it comes to boy-girl relationships especially as someone a part of a young age group who is already set to get married. But, admittedly, I sometimes want a boyfriend so badly, I get ahead of myself. I rage and lose complete focus on what's important in this season of my life. I guess I want to offer encouragement to you single ladies who feel the same way. Who often gets so exasperated, we are willing for any guy who looks our way. That's not what it's about, ladies. Never lose focus. Enjoy your life for what it is now. Be present.
(OK, the cynic in me says people are going to make comments with good intentions but patronizing tones. Don't even think about it.)
3 comments:
"Enjoy your life for what it is now. Be present." -- Janelle Esposito
That's my favorite part of this blog. When you come to the point where you can have that type of perspective...you never lack a thing.
And, I have to say, pretty much everything you said is applicable to how most guys feel (just with the genders reversed)...though they'd never admit it.
...I certainly hope this didn't come across as patronizing.
-- Brian Clarke
"Enjoy your life for what it is now. Be present." -- Janelle Esposito
That's my favorite part of this blog. When you come to the point where you can have that type of perspective...you never lack a thing.
And, I have to say, pretty much everything you said is applicable to how most guys feel (just with the genders reversed)...though they'd never admit it.
...I certainly hope this didn't come across as patronizing.
-- Brian Clarke
Oops. A double post.
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