Friday, October 12, 2007

Last night at InterVarsity large group, during worship, I was led to this verse:

Arise, shine, for your light has come
and the glory of the LORD has risen upon you.
For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth,
and thick darkness the peoples;
but the LORD will arise upon you,
and his glory will be seen upon you.
And nations shall come to your light,
and kings to the brightness of your rising.
- Isaiah 60:1-3 (esv)

As I read this, tears swelled up in my eyes. I've been struggling seriously with depression and anxiety lately. This has actually gone on for a long time, but it was put under closer magnification since I've gotten back to Kenya. Darkness had shrouded over my life and everything seemed at a total loss. I experienced a genuine lifting of this darkness a few weeks ago, but that doesn't mean it doesn't creep back up on me when I'm least likely to notice. But there is a present glory. It causes me to stand up and rise. Even though at one instant, my flesh rebels against this glory, the next it fills my heart, overflowing that I cannot help but pour it out on others. The LORD does lead us into times of struggle, even times of great depression (as the speaker at IV noted last night), but he also leads us out. These times in the desert make us more vulnerable, more in need of his glory to shine down on us. Think about the desert and how isolated it is. How open it is. How desolate yet how intimate when you come in from a place of deep faith.

I don't often notice other people. I don't often pray for the community even though I have a burning desire to be part of genuine community. Yet this verse led me to pray for everyone in the room. Everyone hurts so much. Everyone is experiencing some kind of despair in their life at one time or another. Yet, we bottle up and don't let it out. We hide it from others for several reasons. I do it because I feel like a downer or a burden to other people when I talk. Yet, that's not what we should do. It only represses the pain until it gets bigger and overpowering. We need to talk to each other. We need to be intentional. We need to be open. We need to encourage one another. And help each other shine. The Lord does it, but he often uses us as his vessels.

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