a spiritual being

Or more often I feel like a dead being. My friend Laura and I were talking about the importance of time spent with God on Tuesday, and I realized that quite too often I'm in a state of blah. I don't necessarily feel bad about anything but I just feel apathetic or overly anxious for no apparent reason. I tell people, "nah I'm good, just out of it."

One friend asked me, "well, what do you mean by that?'

I didn't have an answer for her. I couldn't tell her why I was "out of it". Why I had felt anxious or apathetic all weekend. I didn't know. I blamed it on being around too many people ( I can tend to be introverted, so I get drained from being around people constantly) But it was apparent to me, that is was more than just meyers-briggs.


And then I thought to myself as I was hearing Laura talk about her quiet times, "when was the last time I spent with God? Just me and him?"

(Besides listening to a sermon alone in my house on Friday night), it was over a week ago. I had an entire week where there was no time devoted to personal prayer or scripture.

I had been insanely busy. I had CNU TONiGHT rehearsals and papers to turn in. I had obligations to people. (But the time not being busy, I spent in total idleness, typically on facebook).

All this time was lost. And I walked to lunch today wondering where it went. Wondering if I had spent this semester in a fatal, soul-killing routine. Sure, I would get out and go on bike rides and have refreshing times at the Lion's Bridge. But my normal, everyday routine- was just too routine and was getting the better half of me.

I want a new routine. I'm tired of this dead one. I need renewal like mad right now. I don't feel like a spiritual being at all. I need to be shaken to wake up. If someone would like to rattle me around, I wouldn't mind.

I want to desire time spent with the Lord. Please pray with me that I will get this time.

But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. If the Spirit of him who raised Jesusfrom the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you. So if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. Romans 8:10-17