a torrid love affair. with butter.

Summer evening sky. Sun completely set but it's only twilight. I drive into my neighborhood where I see guys around my age completing the decorations of their close friends' car. I live down the street from a wedding hall. I think fond memories of just a few weeks ago. I pull into the same parking lot the festive car decorating takes place, and I probably seem insane to the wedding goers who are passing by.

I can't wipe a smile off my face. It's as if I had met the love of life, and kept swooning at how amazing he made me feel.

Even though this story involves a smooth talking French (or just French-acting) waiter, there are no love bird connections with men to report.

Why are my eyes glazed over and I am smiling like a half-giddy childlike kid in love?

Butter.

Smmooooth, light but rich, sweeeet but salty, infused with garlic, butter.

Yes, yes. I know. It's forbidden. But sometimes those forbidden things in life come around at you, and make you feel like a person. Raw and beautiful and earthy.

It may seem like an overreaction. But sometimes food experiences can really make you feel alive. Really enjoy life as you thank the God on high for creating such things as butter and French cuisine.

Food can often be translated into romantic and spiritual aspects of our lives. Food is love. Eating food is the communion. And a mere reflection of the communion of the Lord's feast prepared for his bridegroom.

Food is love. I cannot convey this enough.

I am feeling slightly sick, maybe my stomach is turning a little bit.

But THIS. It was completely worth it.

Food and other things can do different things to people. Although they are enjoyable, they can have harmful effects. There are two situations can be in:

--Live the ascetic life. Deny the indulgence of butter. Go on not knowing any better. Not knowing how good, how true, how pure, butter can taste. Some people would rather keep safe, would rather do no harm than to eat the butter.

--Eat it. And eat it with love. Inahle it all down within 5 minutes. When you start feeling the pains, you muse with a smile on your face, "It was sooo worth it." I may be suffering now. But the enjoyment of the food paid the price for the suffering. I may be vomiting all day. But it's OK.

I have been trying very down the path of the first one, but my passions led me elsewhere today.

After a work trip Ashley and I wanted to do some more adventuring. So we drove to Winchester to see what stores there were in their historic district and drink down some espressso. We were gonna go to some clothing stores for the tax-free holiday, but the mall in Winchester was utterly pathetic. It looked worse from the outside than the Manassas Mall. We did not want to go there. I ended up driving us down rt 50, headed toward Middleburg. The way down we watched the rolling hills of perfectly maintained farms and sprawling trees lining the highway. When we reached town, we walked around, ran into friends who just got engaged (and heard the news and squealed in delight as we congratulated them), and walked out of a restaurant which was busy, not paying attention to us, and didn't quite have the fare we were seeking.

We went to Julien's, a little French restaurant. I knew going in, I had to put aside my veganism.

Afterall, I couldn't forget the 4 French ingreds, butter, butter, butter...cheese. We were welcomed in very gingely and had pick of almost the whole restaurant to sit down. It wasn't big, but very quaintly decorated with wine bottles, French art posters, and tin cooking pots which danced on the walls.

Even though I took three years of French in high school, I had very little idea what anything was, save the french onion soup. I recognized what mussels were but not the whole title "mussels something blah blah." The waiter repeated every item I asked him about, in this cool, sexy French which I wasn't sure was real or not. He seemed very full of himself, but I was absolutely entranced when he described each item to me. "Blah blah blah, I am not very handsome but hot when I talk like this, blah blah blah, it is dressed in a garlic butter." Yes, please. Garlic and butter go quite well.

I ordered the mussels blah blah avec frites. Ashley ordered a pasta alfredo.

I was astonished and slightly overwhelmed at the huge bowl of mussels which returned to me. Each in their shell. Swimming in a bowl of garlic infused buttered oil from the mussels.

I felt this sense earthiness as I bit at each mussel in it's shell, and then slurped the remaining garlic butter. It was but a kinda sensual experience. The butter so warm. I dipped my fries in there, as well. Each bite was beautiful. I savored it all as I slowly drank my red wine. Ashley also shared some of her alfredo and I mixed a few of my mussels in there.

Beauty.

I never underestood French cooking. I understood bread and cheese but why all these weird creatures and ALL the butter? How does that create cuisine that is real, earthy and not pretentious?

Eating food can be a transformative process. It alter your mood for the best or for the worst...it set a deep appreciation in your heart. It can invigorate you. Empassion you. Or even anger you. All via "Like Water for Chocolate." Food can open up your heart and your mind.

But it's been awhile since that has happened. My food life, is not centered around the table but is on the go. It's granola bars and soy yogurt, and the occassional pleasant fruit.

I ate several hours ago and I am still grinning ear to ear.

In a little bit of pain.

But it was worth it.