My faith is my life. It is not just part of my life. It consists of all of who I am. Even when I walk in cynicism, and I am extremely off-focus, my life is still my faith.
Maybe it comes as a surprise to some, as I am not any sort of stereotypical happy all the time and let me preach to everyone sorta Christian. I normally don't talk about it, unless it comes up in conversation because I don't like to push anything on anyone. But quite often, it does come up, because it is my life. It's casual. "Janelle, what did you do this week?" I could respond, such as this week, I went to the beach with my church group, or I went to a bible study, or I hung out with people (and some of these people I know through these things). So it does come up.
But, a lot of people go to church. People who don't give a crap about it go to church. A lot of people go to church and are completely bored. Not so with me. I go to church and I am usually engaged, or fascinated, or just feel extremely loved in the community of people who care about me a lot.
It bothers me when people interpret my church-going as something I just do because I am supposed to. I am very rebellious by nature and I don't do anything just because I'm expected to. I've noticed that people take their church experiences and apply it to me. Because they go to a boring church must mean that all churches are like that I think it's funny that because I am generally a sarcastic person, some people interpret my liking of church as me just being factitious.
I work close sometimes on Saturday nights. And that's my least favorite shift because we usually get out of there late and I have to wake up early for church. Waking up early is probably the thing I hate most about church (this is why I love churches that do later services, but alas, my current church doesn't). One time when we were getting out super late, a shift supervisor said something along the lines of "It's ok, you can sleep in anyways." And I am like, "No, we have to get out as soon as we can. I have church, and I am not missing it again." And something would be said like "Oh, God will forgive you."
And that gets me mad. I don't treat church like religion. If I want to miss it, I will. I didn't go to church for a long time but was still a practicing Christian involved in bible studies and college fellowships. I know that "God will forgive me" if I don't go to church. What is not understood, is that I have an actual desire to be there. It is often the best part of my week and I absolutely hate missing out.
My faith has been a little dry lately, so sometimes what I do feels like I'm just going through religious motions. But then I realize, this is all I got left. My personal prayer life is practically dead...but the encouragment I get from church and different groups keeps afloat and keeps me from turning away from God. God uses brothers and sisters in the body of Christ to communicate to me how much he loves me since I most of the time refuse to listen to him directly.
But despite this phase, I love Christ, will give up my life for him and I genuinely do enjoy being a Christian, no matter how sarcastic and cynical I get. I hated church for a long time as a Christian, because I did not understand its function in my personal walk with God. Sometimes it felt like relationships with Jesus, put out on a performance stage. But nowadays, I have developed a genuine love for church and a continuous desire to be there. That's all I got now, unfortunately. But I will work with that.
an afterthought edit: As I am reading through this, I realize I care too much about what people think. I write this blog as a sort of defense. But I don't think I care only what they think of me. I want people to understand faith differently, and that's why I care.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
more and more human
Let's be honest. Most of my life has been spent on some cloud somewhere. I exiled myself there, because I did not want to face life as it really was. Lately, I've been floating down to the surface. I wrote a couple months ago that reality is hitting me like a ton of bricks. Now it's not. Now I'm floating, I am not being slammed down.
I am bruised by the bricks. I am still mourning the life I would've wanted. But I am better. Reality is making me stronger. Actually, it's making me weaker. But when I am weak, then I am strong.
More importantly, it's making me more relate able. I am not on some super spiritual high. It's good when that happens. It's good when you get a good super-charge of the holy spirit. But that's not where I am currently. Not like it isn't there. The spirit is keeping me afloat.
But I am more relate able after seeing my own sin clearer than ever. Through this I can better understand other people, and I am less inclined to judge. I have always been very accepting of all sorts of people but I have never understood how to interact with all types of people. I am still learning.
Work has been helping me. Sometimes my co-workers are such a pain. Sometimes they're wonderful. When people used to talk down to me, I used to ignore it completely and pretend it didn't happen. But I won't stand for it anymore. If someone, out of stress and tiredness, says something a little off to me, I might respond killing them with kindness or I completely ignoring the comment. But sometimes people need to know. For example, someone used to keep misinterpreting my body language and vocal tones. I had to absolutely communicate to her that this was all in her head. Starbucks is not my ideal job, but here, I am becoming more real with people. I am learning to take their punches and reply honestly when I need to.
I am bruised by the bricks. I am still mourning the life I would've wanted. But I am better. Reality is making me stronger. Actually, it's making me weaker. But when I am weak, then I am strong.
More importantly, it's making me more relate able. I am not on some super spiritual high. It's good when that happens. It's good when you get a good super-charge of the holy spirit. But that's not where I am currently. Not like it isn't there. The spirit is keeping me afloat.
But I am more relate able after seeing my own sin clearer than ever. Through this I can better understand other people, and I am less inclined to judge. I have always been very accepting of all sorts of people but I have never understood how to interact with all types of people. I am still learning.
Work has been helping me. Sometimes my co-workers are such a pain. Sometimes they're wonderful. When people used to talk down to me, I used to ignore it completely and pretend it didn't happen. But I won't stand for it anymore. If someone, out of stress and tiredness, says something a little off to me, I might respond killing them with kindness or I completely ignoring the comment. But sometimes people need to know. For example, someone used to keep misinterpreting my body language and vocal tones. I had to absolutely communicate to her that this was all in her head. Starbucks is not my ideal job, but here, I am becoming more real with people. I am learning to take their punches and reply honestly when I need to.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
in fact, i did write a poem today...
which i will post everywhere. even if it is crap.
I wear brokenness around my neck –
It's a green scarf with stripes- tattered but still fashionable.
I hide myself in it to keep from sudden exposure
To the crashing sky that breathes
Heavy, knockyaover winds
I carry brokenness with me
Slung upon one aching shoulder
- a quilted bag, each patch telling
stories of a place once strange to me.
stories I have chosen to forget.
I punch brokenness through the holes in my body
The black and white half moons dangle,
dragging my ears down with their weight
But vain beauty keeps them there all day.
My brokenness attracts other people.
The vivid colors, intricate patterns
Sometimes begs the question-
"Where did you get it?"
I am hesitant to reply. I don't want to brag.
As I stutter the place's name I still sound
Exotic. Lovely. Noble.
I am not those things.
I do not know why I choose to wear these pieces.
Especially when it relates to a place I'd care not
To re-visit. Perhaps because I can only be
At least a shadow of the girl I once was. But each
Accessory has brought the demise of that form of me.
I can't look back. Not even with the reminders.
I wear my brokenness as novelty now-
paraded with pride, people mistaking it with loveliness.
In private, I notice the scheme but
It's the only way it will fit.
cannot serve two masters
When I consider my current options and what I want to do, I cannot help but feel a little burdened.
I know I need to make money right now. I have bills to pay. I have college loans and a car lease.
But I don't want the rat race. I don't wanna be another fighting commuter and spend hours in a car each day. I don't want to live in a suburb where I drive at least 30 minutes to do most things I like to do. I don't want a job that overloads with me with work til I burn out completely.
I want to: live near my work, have enough free time to generously my time up, live in community, learn how to garden, be able to walk/bike everywhere, not feel so burdened by money, have adventures, have purpose, not want for anything.
I want to work for a church or para-organization. But how much do they pay? Not enough.
But then I am simply thinking about this in human terms. Doesn't God promise if we seek his kingdom, he will provide? I am so quick to doubt. So quick to worry about money and security (something I never thought I'd be worried about).
Part of me wants to move out of Northern Virginia very badly. But I am too scared to leave. Too scared to try to make it on my own without first having a full-salaried job. I am complacent and stuck, and maybe even a little lazy.
You cannot serve both God and money.
I know I need to make money right now. I have bills to pay. I have college loans and a car lease.
But I don't want the rat race. I don't wanna be another fighting commuter and spend hours in a car each day. I don't want to live in a suburb where I drive at least 30 minutes to do most things I like to do. I don't want a job that overloads with me with work til I burn out completely.
I want to: live near my work, have enough free time to generously my time up, live in community, learn how to garden, be able to walk/bike everywhere, not feel so burdened by money, have adventures, have purpose, not want for anything.
I want to work for a church or para-organization. But how much do they pay? Not enough.
But then I am simply thinking about this in human terms. Doesn't God promise if we seek his kingdom, he will provide? I am so quick to doubt. So quick to worry about money and security (something I never thought I'd be worried about).
Part of me wants to move out of Northern Virginia very badly. But I am too scared to leave. Too scared to try to make it on my own without first having a full-salaried job. I am complacent and stuck, and maybe even a little lazy.
You cannot serve both God and money.
on my writing block
Anyone who reads my blog might assume I am depressed most of the time, going from highs to lows- but that's just what gets recorded. My blog entries are the edited clips of my life. Most of the time I am rather mellow and complacent. Though, it's easy for me drop fast. But then again, I am a writer.
I don't know what the deal is about the link between the ability to write and one's mental health. I love reading author biographies in the Norton Anthologies I had in school. They all seemed to end up with some futile, hopeless fate. They get severely depressed and throw themself into a river; they are sick of society's restrictions and decide a pill overdose will release them from their marital problems; they become chronic alcoholics and can never seem to find a fulfilling relationship.
I guess I dwell on all of this to admit that I'm scared of writing. I've not written a story or a poem in a matter of months. I keep wondering what aside from laziness is keeping me from my craft.I write to tell the truth. And the truth is often depressing as hell.
Some writers can write depressing stories of life's truthful pains and somehow sound irreverent. One can read it, sorta feel bad, but all at the same time, draw a wicked smile out of the story. I guess that's why I am so drawn to black comedy. That's why I'm so prone to sarcasm and cynicism.But even that is self-defeating. And people don't often read sarcasm in my stories, they read the defeat. Even though I have a distinct capability to stay irreverent in my verbal interactions, it does not translate into my writing.Is it from being just an amateur writer, or is it just not who I really am?
The truth is this: I am unlike those writers who bestowed wicked fates upon themselves. I have hope. Yes, I am mildly depressed, but out of the cracks that run through me, there's light that can't wait to tear through. Light hurts. I don't know how much people realize that when contrasting light and darkness. Darkness is comfortable. It hurts a lot more to sit with the lights shining bright on you. It's exposing. Christians are representations of Christ's light. I am a Christian. Yet I am sitting here, in a dim lit room, all too comfortable where I am.
A lot of writers dwell in darkness the whole time. That's why I cannot read a lot of writers I want to read and I cannot write a whole lot right now. Only a certain amount of darkness is comfortable for me. Any more will swallow me whole.The real challenge is how can I be a writer who dwells in light? Wouldn't I rather be that? Wouldn't that be less life-draining and more life-giving? Wouldn't that remove the cliche of becoming a hopelessly depressed writer with nothing but haze in front of them?
I used to do it. My most inspired times of writing have resulted outof very intimate quiet times hearing from God. But I haven't had it for awhile. So all I can offer my pages is quiet hollowness and doubt.
I've been avoiding writing while simultaneously avoiding my relationship with my Creator, who helps me create. It's time to embrace both. It's time to sit in some light.
I don't know what the deal is about the link between the ability to write and one's mental health. I love reading author biographies in the Norton Anthologies I had in school. They all seemed to end up with some futile, hopeless fate. They get severely depressed and throw themself into a river; they are sick of society's restrictions and decide a pill overdose will release them from their marital problems; they become chronic alcoholics and can never seem to find a fulfilling relationship.
I guess I dwell on all of this to admit that I'm scared of writing. I've not written a story or a poem in a matter of months. I keep wondering what aside from laziness is keeping me from my craft.I write to tell the truth. And the truth is often depressing as hell.
Some writers can write depressing stories of life's truthful pains and somehow sound irreverent. One can read it, sorta feel bad, but all at the same time, draw a wicked smile out of the story. I guess that's why I am so drawn to black comedy. That's why I'm so prone to sarcasm and cynicism.But even that is self-defeating. And people don't often read sarcasm in my stories, they read the defeat. Even though I have a distinct capability to stay irreverent in my verbal interactions, it does not translate into my writing.Is it from being just an amateur writer, or is it just not who I really am?
The truth is this: I am unlike those writers who bestowed wicked fates upon themselves. I have hope. Yes, I am mildly depressed, but out of the cracks that run through me, there's light that can't wait to tear through. Light hurts. I don't know how much people realize that when contrasting light and darkness. Darkness is comfortable. It hurts a lot more to sit with the lights shining bright on you. It's exposing. Christians are representations of Christ's light. I am a Christian. Yet I am sitting here, in a dim lit room, all too comfortable where I am.
A lot of writers dwell in darkness the whole time. That's why I cannot read a lot of writers I want to read and I cannot write a whole lot right now. Only a certain amount of darkness is comfortable for me. Any more will swallow me whole.The real challenge is how can I be a writer who dwells in light? Wouldn't I rather be that? Wouldn't that be less life-draining and more life-giving? Wouldn't that remove the cliche of becoming a hopelessly depressed writer with nothing but haze in front of them?
I used to do it. My most inspired times of writing have resulted outof very intimate quiet times hearing from God. But I haven't had it for awhile. So all I can offer my pages is quiet hollowness and doubt.
I've been avoiding writing while simultaneously avoiding my relationship with my Creator, who helps me create. It's time to embrace both. It's time to sit in some light.
I almost wrote a poem today
Sometimes you can distance yourself from something for such a long time, that you forget how to reconnect.
For example, today I had a very big poetic thought. It was very vivid and almost inspirational, but once I got it on paper, the idea flopped. I need to re-visit it. Re-visiting is the only way to get over this slump.
I was at an advent gathering, and we had some quiet time to reflect on peace (because the candle of peace got lit today). I wrote out some of the things I needed peace over. As I was doing this and reflecting on my woes, I looked back on myself. I've been wearing a whole lot of stuff I acquired in Kenya lately. I find that interesting because Kenya broke me a lot, and it's like I'm wearing my brokenness. So the poem's about wearing your brokeness around your neck, slung on your shoulders and various other things, but I just don't know how to connect that back to Kenya in the poem. I don't know how to complete the metaphor.
Maybe I need to read some Billy Collins- he's not overly concerned about making the language overly elegant- he speaks in very down to earth, everyday terms that somehow connect beautifully. Maybe after reading other poems, I can sit down and write.
For example, today I had a very big poetic thought. It was very vivid and almost inspirational, but once I got it on paper, the idea flopped. I need to re-visit it. Re-visiting is the only way to get over this slump.
I was at an advent gathering, and we had some quiet time to reflect on peace (because the candle of peace got lit today). I wrote out some of the things I needed peace over. As I was doing this and reflecting on my woes, I looked back on myself. I've been wearing a whole lot of stuff I acquired in Kenya lately. I find that interesting because Kenya broke me a lot, and it's like I'm wearing my brokenness. So the poem's about wearing your brokeness around your neck, slung on your shoulders and various other things, but I just don't know how to connect that back to Kenya in the poem. I don't know how to complete the metaphor.
Maybe I need to read some Billy Collins- he's not overly concerned about making the language overly elegant- he speaks in very down to earth, everyday terms that somehow connect beautifully. Maybe after reading other poems, I can sit down and write.
Friday, November 28, 2008
idols
I can't control anything that I want to happen in my life...even if I try to put myself in the "right place at the right time." That usually never turns out.
But still, how can I juggle the concepts that 1) I cannot put something in my own hands or on the other hand, 2) if I want something I just gotta put myself out there?
How much do they conflict? and how much do they intersect?
I think prayer is necessary. Ask God. After that, follows the action. God wants us to ask and he wants us to take risks. But taking a risk without prayer is just foolishness.
Risks without prayer turn those things you want into idols. I have one too many idols...it's time to sit before my father in heaven.
But still, how can I juggle the concepts that 1) I cannot put something in my own hands or on the other hand, 2) if I want something I just gotta put myself out there?
How much do they conflict? and how much do they intersect?
I think prayer is necessary. Ask God. After that, follows the action. God wants us to ask and he wants us to take risks. But taking a risk without prayer is just foolishness.
Risks without prayer turn those things you want into idols. I have one too many idols...it's time to sit before my father in heaven.
Monday, November 17, 2008
for each epiphany there are a million questions
I get depressed about not having a professional job, while I don't even want a professional job. I don't want to run the rat race. But there's no way to come to terms with reality when you just avoid it. This is the life God gave me. I can't just run away.
So I get depressed about not getting what I don't want, because I am depressed by my own motives in getting what I do want. But most of all, my current situation depresses me beyond my motives and the professional world. So where does this leave me?
Is God good and powerful? Then why this silence?!
So I get depressed about not getting what I don't want, because I am depressed by my own motives in getting what I do want. But most of all, my current situation depresses me beyond my motives and the professional world. So where does this leave me?
Is God good and powerful? Then why this silence?!
my life keeps the same tune on repeat
Library books are collecting dust on my window sill, on the top of my TV, and on my dresser. There are so many helpful books to read. So many interesting books to read, but I am simply disinterested.
Every few weeks I go back to idealist.org, craigslist, monster.com, the cnu job search site...and begin the futile search again. But I don't end up applying to many jobs. Each attempt is as if my child-like hand were grasping for small precious grains flying in the air, unable to ever be attained.
Then there's what I really want to do- the idealistic and volunteer-oriented jobs I am really interested in. I go back to those sometimes. But with their lengthy applications accessing one's character, motivations and maturity, I don't want to post any lies.
I have some very well-meaning people in my life who like to tell me the truth. Do they realize that one cannot simply be talked out of their sadness? That hearing it can just provoke more sadness, and thus get overwhelmed into more apathy?
Every few weeks I go back to idealist.org, craigslist, monster.com, the cnu job search site...and begin the futile search again. But I don't end up applying to many jobs. Each attempt is as if my child-like hand were grasping for small precious grains flying in the air, unable to ever be attained.
Then there's what I really want to do- the idealistic and volunteer-oriented jobs I am really interested in. I go back to those sometimes. But with their lengthy applications accessing one's character, motivations and maturity, I don't want to post any lies.
I have some very well-meaning people in my life who like to tell me the truth. Do they realize that one cannot simply be talked out of their sadness? That hearing it can just provoke more sadness, and thus get overwhelmed into more apathy?
Friday, November 07, 2008
WHO do we put our hope in?
Just a preface- this blog might be extremely popular among my Christian friends but likely not as popular among my non-religious friends or friends of other religions. To all of you, I dedicate this blog. I realize in the past, I have played it safe for you, as to not offend you and make you dislike me because I want you to like me. But I do not care as much about being safe or liked anymore. You may think I am close-minded claiming to believe in an absolute truth, but please take what I say to heart and feel free to ask questions and wrestle with the words. I pray what I say is not just a religious political statement, but actually speaks to your hearts.
I would consider some of my values to be more liberal than conservative, but in this past election I did not jump on the Obama train (Also, I did not vote for McCain). For very simple reasons. 1) As a moderate, he is too "big government for me 2) 4 years on senate, 2 spent campaigning as President (that troubles me) 3) While realizing that different Christians have different views of the legislation of abortion, I found it outrightly non-Christian of him that he supports partial-birth abortion (earlier stages of abortion can at least be debated as murder or non-murder, but partial-birth is outright murder.)
I do realize that he has many good qualities to him. First of all, we note the historical significance of voting in our first African-American President- this country has come such a long way, and for that I am proud.
Secondly, I love the morale of the American at a boost. Obama does not often preach politics of fear but politics of hope.
But that brings me to my worry. Preaching politics.
Now, I do not uphold the view of many conservative Christians that Obama is an anti-christ figure. I find that to be absurd, judgmental and completely ridiculous.
However as I look on facebook and blogs all around, I see people idolizing Obama, which is dangerous.
Let me make this clear - Obama is not our salvation. He is a good man, who will hopefully make good change in our country, but do not put your hope in MAN.
Politics are politics. They fall short of saving us humans. The only salvation we can know is the hope and change Jesus Christ brought to us through his death on the cross, and will bring when he comes back and instills a new heaven and a new earth when pain and sorrow will be no more.
We can strive to instill values of justice and hope in our public policy- I do believe that. But be careful. We are human beings with corrupt natures and we fall short of justice everyday. While many people out there believe values of righteousness and justice, where do we believe these values come from? They cannot be argued out of pragmatism, or for a stable future for the world. They come from a more deep-rooted place. We cannot achieve justice and human rights if our hearts are NOT FIRST CHANGED.
Change and hope starts in the hearts of human beings. But it has to be placed there by something. We are created in the image of God, therefore Christian or non-Christian we love things that God loves and hate things that he too hates. Change cannot come in our hearts without divine revelation.
My brother Justin puts it in this order-
Revelation ---> Revival---> Revolution
This works out in several patterns, in several ways God moves in creation. But let me give one illustration:
Revelation births revival. Revival is when our hearts are so stirred towards God that we wake up and do something. We give our Father glory through carrying out his will in the world. When we do that, revolution happens. Not a political revolution which gives corrupt man power, but a revolution which makes feeding the poor not a moral duty but a blessed opportunity to know your brother in love and share your resources, not out of government obligation, but by freely giving what you have been graciously given.
I am not scared of Obama taking office. I am excited. I think this is an excellent oppurtunity to re-think the way we live and partner with our administration in promoting change. Remember, Obama is not the key to this, though. Our hearts are. When our hearts are filled with love, we can live and move in ways we can never imagine. God is love. Turn your hearts toward him. He is good and powerful to save us. Wisdom and human works without God will ultimately fail.
I would consider some of my values to be more liberal than conservative, but in this past election I did not jump on the Obama train (Also, I did not vote for McCain). For very simple reasons. 1) As a moderate, he is too "big government for me 2) 4 years on senate, 2 spent campaigning as President (that troubles me) 3) While realizing that different Christians have different views of the legislation of abortion, I found it outrightly non-Christian of him that he supports partial-birth abortion (earlier stages of abortion can at least be debated as murder or non-murder, but partial-birth is outright murder.)
I do realize that he has many good qualities to him. First of all, we note the historical significance of voting in our first African-American President- this country has come such a long way, and for that I am proud.
Secondly, I love the morale of the American at a boost. Obama does not often preach politics of fear but politics of hope.
But that brings me to my worry. Preaching politics.
Now, I do not uphold the view of many conservative Christians that Obama is an anti-christ figure. I find that to be absurd, judgmental and completely ridiculous.
However as I look on facebook and blogs all around, I see people idolizing Obama, which is dangerous.
Let me make this clear - Obama is not our salvation. He is a good man, who will hopefully make good change in our country, but do not put your hope in MAN.
Politics are politics. They fall short of saving us humans. The only salvation we can know is the hope and change Jesus Christ brought to us through his death on the cross, and will bring when he comes back and instills a new heaven and a new earth when pain and sorrow will be no more.
We can strive to instill values of justice and hope in our public policy- I do believe that. But be careful. We are human beings with corrupt natures and we fall short of justice everyday. While many people out there believe values of righteousness and justice, where do we believe these values come from? They cannot be argued out of pragmatism, or for a stable future for the world. They come from a more deep-rooted place. We cannot achieve justice and human rights if our hearts are NOT FIRST CHANGED.
Change and hope starts in the hearts of human beings. But it has to be placed there by something. We are created in the image of God, therefore Christian or non-Christian we love things that God loves and hate things that he too hates. Change cannot come in our hearts without divine revelation.
My brother Justin puts it in this order-
Revelation ---> Revival---> Revolution
This works out in several patterns, in several ways God moves in creation. But let me give one illustration:
Revelation births revival. Revival is when our hearts are so stirred towards God that we wake up and do something. We give our Father glory through carrying out his will in the world. When we do that, revolution happens. Not a political revolution which gives corrupt man power, but a revolution which makes feeding the poor not a moral duty but a blessed opportunity to know your brother in love and share your resources, not out of government obligation, but by freely giving what you have been graciously given.
I am not scared of Obama taking office. I am excited. I think this is an excellent oppurtunity to re-think the way we live and partner with our administration in promoting change. Remember, Obama is not the key to this, though. Our hearts are. When our hearts are filled with love, we can live and move in ways we can never imagine. God is love. Turn your hearts toward him. He is good and powerful to save us. Wisdom and human works without God will ultimately fail.
1 Corinthians 2:9-16
However, as it is written:
"No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him"— but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.
The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words.The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man's judgment:"For who has known the mind of the Lord
that he may instruct him?" But we have the mind of Christ.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
i heart henri nouwen
I much prefer reading Henri Nouwen to boys.
I much prefer him to most Christian writers. His style is so elegant. His words flow off the page. He doesn't have to say much to make his point, but then will go for a bit explaining it. He's not overly religious or legalistic but you can see his love for Christ. He embraces faith holistically, and does not hold back on any issues.
His writing reminds me of a cross between Wendell Berry and a Christian Gary Snyder (ha, like that'd ever happen).
I'm reading Seeds of Hope, which only gives me excerpts from his different books on various topics he writes on. Pretty light reading, but still deep, powerful stuff in a few sentences.
I would say out of most spiritual texts I've read, this is one of the most accessible to the non-believer. He speaks often from a more philosophical viewpoint and doesn't tout around a lot of heavy Christian-nese language.
I much prefer him to most Christian writers. His style is so elegant. His words flow off the page. He doesn't have to say much to make his point, but then will go for a bit explaining it. He's not overly religious or legalistic but you can see his love for Christ. He embraces faith holistically, and does not hold back on any issues.
His writing reminds me of a cross between Wendell Berry and a Christian Gary Snyder (ha, like that'd ever happen).
I'm reading Seeds of Hope, which only gives me excerpts from his different books on various topics he writes on. Pretty light reading, but still deep, powerful stuff in a few sentences.
I would say out of most spiritual texts I've read, this is one of the most accessible to the non-believer. He speaks often from a more philosophical viewpoint and doesn't tout around a lot of heavy Christian-nese language.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
time to move forward, give my all, and refuse to give up
"I know that I have to move from speaking about Jesus to letting him speak within me, from thinking about Jesus, to letting him think within me, from acting for and with Jesus to letting him act through me.
Lately, I have been a slave to many things. I have one too many idols. The number one idol? Relationships. I'd rather relate with people (especially guys) than relate with God. Being a slave is exhausting and it keeps you from doing anything purposeful whatsoever, because you are just too focused on what you want which is keeping you bound. I want to focus upon the Lord, and give him all of my attention but my flesh repeatedly keeps myself from it. Today, I died again. Today, I am laying aside my earthly ambitions to somehow obtain Christ's death and resurrection. Through his strength, not mine. I cannot go on any longer on my own. It is way too defeating. Way too depressing. I will choose the better life, no matter how hard it seems, putting aside my judgments and how I think other people will now perceive me. If you're a close friend of mine, please help me stay accountable to this re-commitment. Please. This bondage has not yet given up on me. Pray that through Christ's strength, I might break it down.
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!"- Galatians 2:20-21
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
Lately, I have been a slave to many things. I have one too many idols. The number one idol? Relationships. I'd rather relate with people (especially guys) than relate with God. Being a slave is exhausting and it keeps you from doing anything purposeful whatsoever, because you are just too focused on what you want which is keeping you bound. I want to focus upon the Lord, and give him all of my attention but my flesh repeatedly keeps myself from it. Today, I died again. Today, I am laying aside my earthly ambitions to somehow obtain Christ's death and resurrection. Through his strength, not mine. I cannot go on any longer on my own. It is way too defeating. Way too depressing. I will choose the better life, no matter how hard it seems, putting aside my judgments and how I think other people will now perceive me. If you're a close friend of mine, please help me stay accountable to this re-commitment. Please. This bondage has not yet given up on me. Pray that through Christ's strength, I might break it down.
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!"- Galatians 2:20-21
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples."- John 15:1-8
Monday, October 20, 2008
things i haven't done lately that i need to do, again
-go hiking
-workout 3-5 times a week
-go on a glorious bike ride
-cook
-read books
-write substantial blogs
- write poetry
- work on fiction
- do any kind of writing
-keep up with world events
-care about justice
-research theology
-read the bible (alone) and study it (in a group or with another person)
-pray/talk to God in my journal (constantly talk to god)
i'll give myself credit. this is all old me at different times. and being old me is hard.
the truth is, i don't care right now. it's really hard for me to begin to care. i'm wasting too much time on the computer or in front of the tv. but i just can't care.
wondering what to say to me? i ran into this john piper article- http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/2008/3283/
but i didn't read it, cause i deemed it useless to me in the first two paragraphs. just like he said it would- funny enough.
-workout 3-5 times a week
-go on a glorious bike ride
-cook
-read books
-write substantial blogs
- write poetry
- work on fiction
- do any kind of writing
-keep up with world events
-care about justice
-research theology
-read the bible (alone) and study it (in a group or with another person)
-pray/talk to God in my journal (constantly talk to god)
i'll give myself credit. this is all old me at different times. and being old me is hard.
the truth is, i don't care right now. it's really hard for me to begin to care. i'm wasting too much time on the computer or in front of the tv. but i just can't care.
wondering what to say to me? i ran into this john piper article- http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/2008/3283/
but i didn't read it, cause i deemed it useless to me in the first two paragraphs. just like he said it would- funny enough.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
"instead of getting better, she grew worse."
I wanna cry all my time. This increased vulnerability- not a good place to be.
My super-emotional tendencies are paralyzing me from doing anything really substantial. I forgot I even had those tendencies.
I need a big change of scenery. I don't even need to move to get it. I do need something. A miracle.
I know life is full of hope and opportunity, but I feel somewhat hopeless right now. Please pray for me.
My super-emotional tendencies are paralyzing me from doing anything really substantial. I forgot I even had those tendencies.
I need a big change of scenery. I don't even need to move to get it. I do need something. A miracle.
I know life is full of hope and opportunity, but I feel somewhat hopeless right now. Please pray for me.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
why i am wary of eschatology
I'm gonna make this short, rather than a long-drawn post explaining each point in depth (if you wanna argue my wariness, then maybe I'll make that post.)
There are certainly reasons to be wary of eschatology when people talk about in the Christian media. Many of the books which have came out in the past 40 years offer non-bibically validated views on the end times (Left Behind, The Late Great Planet Earth). While some of their views may be found in the Bible, some of the views are just crazy hoshposh to instill fear in people. For example, the fact that they believe the end times will happen when the antichrist establishes a one-world government, have led many conservative evangelicals to believe that the antichrist will be a socialist/communist parading around as a democrat. This is totally absurd. The Bible holds no political partisans. A correct interpretation of the Bible does not instill radical fears.
The Bible does not offer a straight-up explanation for the end times. How this current world will end is shrouded in mystery. People often take things said in context to biblical times and sloppily apply it to today. Just like no one knows exactly how Christ return, neither does anyone really know who, if either Obama or Mccain, will make the best president. All it is, is simple guessing. And to the best of my knowlege, Obama is not the anti-christ, and it is not only unsafe, but extremely judgmental to believe he could be at this point. Please don't make judgments on presidential candidates based on pop eschatology. Thanks.
There are certainly reasons to be wary of eschatology when people talk about in the Christian media. Many of the books which have came out in the past 40 years offer non-bibically validated views on the end times (Left Behind, The Late Great Planet Earth). While some of their views may be found in the Bible, some of the views are just crazy hoshposh to instill fear in people. For example, the fact that they believe the end times will happen when the antichrist establishes a one-world government, have led many conservative evangelicals to believe that the antichrist will be a socialist/communist parading around as a democrat. This is totally absurd. The Bible holds no political partisans. A correct interpretation of the Bible does not instill radical fears.
The Bible does not offer a straight-up explanation for the end times. How this current world will end is shrouded in mystery. People often take things said in context to biblical times and sloppily apply it to today. Just like no one knows exactly how Christ return, neither does anyone really know who, if either Obama or Mccain, will make the best president. All it is, is simple guessing. And to the best of my knowlege, Obama is not the anti-christ, and it is not only unsafe, but extremely judgmental to believe he could be at this point. Please don't make judgments on presidential candidates based on pop eschatology. Thanks.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
These Days
I recently have been poking my head around Portland, Or blogs (I spent a summer there interning at a really hip church). And I realize a little something missing from my life. These blogs mainly have a very local feel- that they're connected to businesses and different going-ons around the area. There is a real sense of community there.
I'm in Manassas, VA. It's a little suburb 40 miles outside DC. Sometimes when I get over the traffic and getting lost, I enjoy DC, proper and the immediate surrounding areas. But I do not enjoy Manassas. I am quite honest about that, well, with everyone. How to describe Manassas?
-A lot of trees but nowhere to go to just enjoy nature. (You can drive 30 minutes to visit a certain national park I worked at this summer, with the largest piedmont forest in the national park system.
-Lots of industrial parks.
-A disarming economic gap between certain neighborhoods.
-Lots of the typical chain businesses you'd see in most suburban localities. Not a lot of small, independent businesses last very long here.
-Not a lot of jobs around in non-profit work (although this area needs more non-profits), writing/editing or anything I'm halfway interested in.
-Not a lot to do, unless you're willing to drive out of Manassas.
-Hardly any arts culture scene
-Not a lot of people in their twenties- most of them have bailed by now. Not a big resource of meeting people your own age. Since I've been working at Starbucks, I've met a lot of high schoolers and a lot of people just 1 or 2 years out of high school doing the local college thing.
This area to me is kind of a suburban waste land. But somethings keeping me here. Like if I keep tapping on the ground, fresh floods of water will come streaming through. I know I sound crazy. But I feel like God's not done with me here. This goes beyond being forced to stay due to having no money to live on my own. I feel very heavy in me the need to stay around and make a difference.
I wish I had a community like Portland. It seems so easy to tap into local sources and connect with people who have a similar vision. But Portland doesn't need me. People like me run rampant there. I'm one in a thousand.
Manassas needs me. And I haven't figured out how or why just yet.
But there's something there.
What good DOES Manassas have?
- a cute Old Town area
-a small town feel, where it feels like you know or recognize A LOT of people (comes from your family being there a long time)
-local farms nearby (farmer's market in Old Town on Thursdays and Saturdays)
-two Chipotle's (yes it's chain, but I LOVE it)
-better bike riding roads than Newport News
-driving around there on a sunny, breezy day feels so nice
-much more low-key and laid-back than other parts of Northern Virginia
-For a town with barely any arts culture, there's sure a lot of interesting, eclectic people to run into if you're around Starbucks a lot (which I am)
-a very small community-oriented missions-oriented church I'm involved in (it's my home church I grew up in, and it's not perfect and sometimes I can only take the charismatic stuff in doses, but I really enjoy being part of it)
-potential for non-profits to thrive
-potential in general
I'm in Manassas, VA. It's a little suburb 40 miles outside DC. Sometimes when I get over the traffic and getting lost, I enjoy DC, proper and the immediate surrounding areas. But I do not enjoy Manassas. I am quite honest about that, well, with everyone. How to describe Manassas?
-A lot of trees but nowhere to go to just enjoy nature. (You can drive 30 minutes to visit a certain national park I worked at this summer, with the largest piedmont forest in the national park system.
-Lots of industrial parks.
-A disarming economic gap between certain neighborhoods.
-Lots of the typical chain businesses you'd see in most suburban localities. Not a lot of small, independent businesses last very long here.
-Not a lot of jobs around in non-profit work (although this area needs more non-profits), writing/editing or anything I'm halfway interested in.
-Not a lot to do, unless you're willing to drive out of Manassas.
-Hardly any arts culture scene
-Not a lot of people in their twenties- most of them have bailed by now. Not a big resource of meeting people your own age. Since I've been working at Starbucks, I've met a lot of high schoolers and a lot of people just 1 or 2 years out of high school doing the local college thing.
This area to me is kind of a suburban waste land. But somethings keeping me here. Like if I keep tapping on the ground, fresh floods of water will come streaming through. I know I sound crazy. But I feel like God's not done with me here. This goes beyond being forced to stay due to having no money to live on my own. I feel very heavy in me the need to stay around and make a difference.
I wish I had a community like Portland. It seems so easy to tap into local sources and connect with people who have a similar vision. But Portland doesn't need me. People like me run rampant there. I'm one in a thousand.
Manassas needs me. And I haven't figured out how or why just yet.
But there's something there.
What good DOES Manassas have?
- a cute Old Town area
-a small town feel, where it feels like you know or recognize A LOT of people (comes from your family being there a long time)
-local farms nearby (farmer's market in Old Town on Thursdays and Saturdays)
-two Chipotle's (yes it's chain, but I LOVE it)
-better bike riding roads than Newport News
-driving around there on a sunny, breezy day feels so nice
-much more low-key and laid-back than other parts of Northern Virginia
-For a town with barely any arts culture, there's sure a lot of interesting, eclectic people to run into if you're around Starbucks a lot (which I am)
-a very small community-oriented missions-oriented church I'm involved in (it's my home church I grew up in, and it's not perfect and sometimes I can only take the charismatic stuff in doses, but I really enjoy being part of it)
-potential for non-profits to thrive
-potential in general
There is truth in the green letters!
If you know me and my views from the past two years, you know that I frequently try to educate my fellow Christian believers about the importance of environmental stewardship and the theological framework set up in the Bible.
You would think I'd be ecstatic, then, that there's recently been published a Green-Letter Bible.
I'm not. I'm weirded out. Study bibles are usually intended to provide context or look at the bible from a certain theological/historical perspective. For example, the Archaeological Study Bible provides heavy historical context. I love to read my Literary Study Bible, because it helps me study the bible using themes, genres and other literary devices.
But this Bible does not provide context. It provides a series of articles contributed by an impressive roll of writers before we make it to Genesis. I'd be personally interested in reading these articles for my personal research.
But dedicating an entire Bible to it? It sounds a little sketch. Couldn't they just edit a book? That would be such a valuable asset to my collection.
But here is the oddest part- they highlight all the parts about the environment in green letters. To put a proper framework around it these highlighted parts address
· how God and Jesus interact with, care for, and are intimately involved with all of creation.
· how all the elements of creation—land, water, air, plants, animals, humans—are interdependent.
· how nature responds to God.
· how we are called to care for creation
These are the very things that I am involved in learning about. But putting them in green letters in the Bible without a proper context? To me, that's borderline heretical. That's taking God's words within the text and making them yours. These very verses I have used to support my arguments in papers, but do I go through everyone's bible and mark them up? No.
In the ChristianityToday Blog, Brandon O'brien brings up two very good points about this:
2)
"Speaking of context, I’m afraid the letter coloring will distract, in many places, from the actual theological significance of a passage. Take Genesis 2, for example. The majority of the chapter appears in green, except—oddly—a brief reference to the second river in Eden, Gihon (but the bit about Pishon is in green). The Lord’s proclamation that it is not good for the man to be alone is in black, as is the great crescendo of the chapter: “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh…” I can understand why the institution of marriage is not “green.” But the predominance of green ink in that chapter diverts attention from the real significance of the passage—the completion of the creation of humankind"
When I told my dad about this Bible he said it was the Left trying to swing the Christian vote their way by taking over the environmental issues. Which I think is ridiculous because I know that the Right, in their campaigns have been addressing the environment and it will become a bi-partisan issue. But I can't help but think that this Bible takes a political turn- not to left or right or politics, but of promoting a single issue through the Bible. It reminds of the end-times Bibles they used to print all the time.
I think this is a disastrous idea, but if you plan on buying this Bible, please make copies of the articles for me. Thanks, it will help in my research.
You would think I'd be ecstatic, then, that there's recently been published a Green-Letter Bible.
I'm not. I'm weirded out. Study bibles are usually intended to provide context or look at the bible from a certain theological/historical perspective. For example, the Archaeological Study Bible provides heavy historical context. I love to read my Literary Study Bible, because it helps me study the bible using themes, genres and other literary devices.
But this Bible does not provide context. It provides a series of articles contributed by an impressive roll of writers before we make it to Genesis. I'd be personally interested in reading these articles for my personal research.
But dedicating an entire Bible to it? It sounds a little sketch. Couldn't they just edit a book? That would be such a valuable asset to my collection.
But here is the oddest part- they highlight all the parts about the environment in green letters. To put a proper framework around it these highlighted parts address
· how God and Jesus interact with, care for, and are intimately involved with all of creation.
· how all the elements of creation—land, water, air, plants, animals, humans—are interdependent.
· how nature responds to God.
· how we are called to care for creation
These are the very things that I am involved in learning about. But putting them in green letters in the Bible without a proper context? To me, that's borderline heretical. That's taking God's words within the text and making them yours. These very verses I have used to support my arguments in papers, but do I go through everyone's bible and mark them up? No.
In the ChristianityToday Blog, Brandon O'brien brings up two very good points about this:
1)
"The selection of passages aside, I have two concerns with this method of highlighting biblical text. The first is this: the implicit argument in the green lettering is that by sheer bulk of words in green print, the editors prove that creation care is a central concern of the Bible. But what if we tried a different subject—say, violence. A faculty of editors color-codes a Bible so that every passage that references an act of violence is printed in purple ink. Would that, by sheer bulk, prove conclusively that violence is at the center of God’s plan of redemption? Or what about gold-lettering all the instances of sexual perversion? What I mean is this: frequency is not a compelling argument without context."
2)
"Speaking of context, I’m afraid the letter coloring will distract, in many places, from the actual theological significance of a passage. Take Genesis 2, for example. The majority of the chapter appears in green, except—oddly—a brief reference to the second river in Eden, Gihon (but the bit about Pishon is in green). The Lord’s proclamation that it is not good for the man to be alone is in black, as is the great crescendo of the chapter: “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh…” I can understand why the institution of marriage is not “green.” But the predominance of green ink in that chapter diverts attention from the real significance of the passage—the completion of the creation of humankind"
When I told my dad about this Bible he said it was the Left trying to swing the Christian vote their way by taking over the environmental issues. Which I think is ridiculous because I know that the Right, in their campaigns have been addressing the environment and it will become a bi-partisan issue. But I can't help but think that this Bible takes a political turn- not to left or right or politics, but of promoting a single issue through the Bible. It reminds of the end-times Bibles they used to print all the time.
I think this is a disastrous idea, but if you plan on buying this Bible, please make copies of the articles for me. Thanks, it will help in my research.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
getting distressingly lost is not my favorite thing
I've felt the need to branch out and get to know more people, lately. Especially girls. Which is why I really want to plug into an all-girls small group, which is why I went to a college service, called the Gathering tonight. Which was how the mishaps of the evening began.
First off, I HATE being the newcomer at a church group of young people. It's never not awkward if you go completely alone. Which is what I did. Not that I didn't try to invite people, mind you. I texted about 8 different people, but they all had different things going on. But I was determined. I would go and meet friends and join a small group. Yes, I am a bit of an idealist.
So I have been to Mason not too many times. I google mapped the campus. Mishap #1: Allowing google maps to direct you to a road with a dead end, with no hint of where you're actually trying to go. I've sworn off google maps a number of times, but I always end using it again. It's a bad drug.
I took a phone a friend, since many of my friends around here commute to Mason, and I got there. That was half the battle. Now I needed to park and find this building I was to go to. Parking lots confused me, but I finally settled in one. Note: I did not see any sign entering this Mason Pond Deck which stated that they did not accept credit cards. I walked into this building which was like a Student Union, but it seemed more like a mall to me. I remembered I had been there once before for some benefit concert I went to with a guy a few years back. I finally found the event itself on the ground level- I was a half an hour late. I missed most of worship. And I missed meet n greet, which would've been critical to me meeting people. Hated that cause I mostly went to worship and meet people. The sermon was good, on the lighter side compared to Kevin Hass' sermons but on the heavy side when compared to a high school youth group. It honestly wasn't bad. I even jotted a few things down.
After the service was the awkward time. People were in their groups and I didn't find any openings for conversation. I talked to a total of two people at the Connect table, and haphazardly made my way around the room before giving up and leaving (and they have no small groups near Manassas since it is mostly Mason-baed).
So I went out a different door then I came in, thinking it would take me to the same place. Boy, I was wrong. Mishap #2: I walked for 20 minutes in this parking lot, before I met a nice woman who was probably on the faculty who helped figure out that I was in the wrong parking deck. Ughhhh. To make matters worse, she didn't know quite how to direct me to the other parking deck. So I bothered people, talked to strangers (well one girl, and two guys who were leaving the Gathering) and finally figured out I could just go back up a floor the way I came in, and EVERYTHING WOULD MAKE SENSE FROM THERE. and it did.
Mishap #3: Found my car in no time. Prepared my credit card to leave. (In the other parking lot I saw a sign which said it JUST took credit cards, so I felt pretty good). Of course, I ended up in the parking lot that didn't take credit cards. I didn't have cash, or my checkbook. I felt so bad. I told the parking attendant that I was at an event but hadn't been at the school before to know anything about parking. He didn't seem to believe me as he asked me later about my Mason student ID. I didn't have ANYTHING. And I cried. I felt like a conman but I really wasn't trying to jip him. I honestly could not do anything.
He told me there was ATM nearby. I explained to him that the last thing I wanted to do was get lost again. That's actually when I started to cry.
He let me go. But I feel so bad for jipping him. Would if he had to pay that money from his own pocket? I felt horrible about it. I know it's a small thing, but anything little that triggers my guilt suddenly pushes me into a very deep pit. I feel anxious and very depressed...even with a small thing. They trigger the big things.
That ended up making my whole evening feel like a waste. Like a sham. When it was not all that bad. I hate responding to those triggering little things which eat you up inside.
First off, I HATE being the newcomer at a church group of young people. It's never not awkward if you go completely alone. Which is what I did. Not that I didn't try to invite people, mind you. I texted about 8 different people, but they all had different things going on. But I was determined. I would go and meet friends and join a small group. Yes, I am a bit of an idealist.
So I have been to Mason not too many times. I google mapped the campus. Mishap #1: Allowing google maps to direct you to a road with a dead end, with no hint of where you're actually trying to go. I've sworn off google maps a number of times, but I always end using it again. It's a bad drug.
I took a phone a friend, since many of my friends around here commute to Mason, and I got there. That was half the battle. Now I needed to park and find this building I was to go to. Parking lots confused me, but I finally settled in one. Note: I did not see any sign entering this Mason Pond Deck which stated that they did not accept credit cards. I walked into this building which was like a Student Union, but it seemed more like a mall to me. I remembered I had been there once before for some benefit concert I went to with a guy a few years back. I finally found the event itself on the ground level- I was a half an hour late. I missed most of worship. And I missed meet n greet, which would've been critical to me meeting people. Hated that cause I mostly went to worship and meet people. The sermon was good, on the lighter side compared to Kevin Hass' sermons but on the heavy side when compared to a high school youth group. It honestly wasn't bad. I even jotted a few things down.
After the service was the awkward time. People were in their groups and I didn't find any openings for conversation. I talked to a total of two people at the Connect table, and haphazardly made my way around the room before giving up and leaving (and they have no small groups near Manassas since it is mostly Mason-baed).
So I went out a different door then I came in, thinking it would take me to the same place. Boy, I was wrong. Mishap #2: I walked for 20 minutes in this parking lot, before I met a nice woman who was probably on the faculty who helped figure out that I was in the wrong parking deck. Ughhhh. To make matters worse, she didn't know quite how to direct me to the other parking deck. So I bothered people, talked to strangers (well one girl, and two guys who were leaving the Gathering) and finally figured out I could just go back up a floor the way I came in, and EVERYTHING WOULD MAKE SENSE FROM THERE. and it did.
Mishap #3: Found my car in no time. Prepared my credit card to leave. (In the other parking lot I saw a sign which said it JUST took credit cards, so I felt pretty good). Of course, I ended up in the parking lot that didn't take credit cards. I didn't have cash, or my checkbook. I felt so bad. I told the parking attendant that I was at an event but hadn't been at the school before to know anything about parking. He didn't seem to believe me as he asked me later about my Mason student ID. I didn't have ANYTHING. And I cried. I felt like a conman but I really wasn't trying to jip him. I honestly could not do anything.
He told me there was ATM nearby. I explained to him that the last thing I wanted to do was get lost again. That's actually when I started to cry.
He let me go. But I feel so bad for jipping him. Would if he had to pay that money from his own pocket? I felt horrible about it. I know it's a small thing, but anything little that triggers my guilt suddenly pushes me into a very deep pit. I feel anxious and very depressed...even with a small thing. They trigger the big things.
That ended up making my whole evening feel like a waste. Like a sham. When it was not all that bad. I hate responding to those triggering little things which eat you up inside.
Monday, September 22, 2008
One of my favorite evangelical authors is endorsing Obama
Donald Miller, writer of really honest, thought-provoking narrative books on faith like "Blue Like Jazz" and "Searching for God Knows What" is joining the Barack Obama: Faith, Family and Values Tour.
I have a very mixed reaction. Honestly, I have no idea who I'm voting for. While Obama is an inexperienced idealist who is probably much more corruptible than his rhetoric leads people to believe, Mccain is Bush #2 who just happens to have experience and a maverick history (not to mention I am not a fan of his running mate).
I just had a conversation with some friends last night on how involved the Church should be in the government or politics. Should Christians stay out of government entirely and just focus on sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ to individuals, or should we look out for mass society making sure the laws of the land frees the oppressed and oppressors from oppressing? I don't have the answer.
I do believe that to an extent we stayed involved. Yes, we want the government to make ethical God-honoring laws. But politics becomes a messy thing. Both sides don't have it right. Both sides are not entirely ethical.
Honestly, it bothers me when I go to Church and either liberal or conservative politics are preached to me. I don't think the pulpit exists for those platforms. There's a danger in manipulating people to vote a certain way, there's abuse of authority and thirst of power associated with that.
But Donald Miller isn't a pastor. He's a Christian who happens to write faith-inspired books (kinda like what I want to do). And he's taking a stand for something he believes in, and speaking out against the assumption that evangelical voters need to vote Republican. Still, he does have many followers who eat up his books and the words he says. If he's gonna continue on this political trail, he needs to be careful.
I have not made up my mind on how I feel about this campaign tour. I guess we will see what the fruit of it is.
He did the benediction for the DNC convention. This is interview he had with Christianity Today before it. He made some good points, but none which really tells me why he's a democrat instead of an independent.
And the benediction itself:
I have a very mixed reaction. Honestly, I have no idea who I'm voting for. While Obama is an inexperienced idealist who is probably much more corruptible than his rhetoric leads people to believe, Mccain is Bush #2 who just happens to have experience and a maverick history (not to mention I am not a fan of his running mate).
I just had a conversation with some friends last night on how involved the Church should be in the government or politics. Should Christians stay out of government entirely and just focus on sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ to individuals, or should we look out for mass society making sure the laws of the land frees the oppressed and oppressors from oppressing? I don't have the answer.
I do believe that to an extent we stayed involved. Yes, we want the government to make ethical God-honoring laws. But politics becomes a messy thing. Both sides don't have it right. Both sides are not entirely ethical.
Honestly, it bothers me when I go to Church and either liberal or conservative politics are preached to me. I don't think the pulpit exists for those platforms. There's a danger in manipulating people to vote a certain way, there's abuse of authority and thirst of power associated with that.
But Donald Miller isn't a pastor. He's a Christian who happens to write faith-inspired books (kinda like what I want to do). And he's taking a stand for something he believes in, and speaking out against the assumption that evangelical voters need to vote Republican. Still, he does have many followers who eat up his books and the words he says. If he's gonna continue on this political trail, he needs to be careful.
I have not made up my mind on how I feel about this campaign tour. I guess we will see what the fruit of it is.
He did the benediction for the DNC convention. This is interview he had with Christianity Today before it. He made some good points, but none which really tells me why he's a democrat instead of an independent.
And the benediction itself:
strictly heretical and absurd
Dear Bill Maher,
You don't get it. One does not have to be an intellectual to be saved by Jesus Christ. You don't have to be anything. You can receive Jesus on basis of God's grace by faith alone. There's no works involved, no intellect needed.
But that does not mean God doesn't give plenty of his people brains. There is a huge array of Christian intellectuals out there, but you don't even consider them. I may have just watched the trailer of your new film Religuous, but I did not see Ravi or Piper or Tim Keller or Sproul or Riddlebarger represented. There were lots of beautiful people you interviewed and made a total fool of, who did not have the apologetics or who were matched in your intellect to show you down. To prove you wrong. Interesting choice.
But yes, even those intellectuals will be foolish in your sight. For God chooses the foolish to shame the wise. There a lot of Christians out there who do not have a good grasp of theology or apologetics, but this is because some churches are not out there teaching it. I don't think that's a good thing, I that Christians should always be prepared to give good reason. But that does not mean that these people don't have good hearts. And it does not make them robots. Not all humans are blessed with your high, austere level of intellect. Thank God. We would all be very cold-hearted, pretentious individuals who glorify ourselves, deeply crooked beings in our nature, instead of glorifying what is ultimately Good and Righteous. I thank God for these "crazy" people. They show passion, devotion, spirit and heart. Much more than your stone-like cynicism will ever achieve.
So if you wanna take on Christianity, or faith in general, as you do in your film. Go to the theologians, people who study faith and study reason and still believe. I would have to watch your movie to see if you do that or not, but after viewing your trailer, I am deeply disturbed and would not like to send $10 your way. Maybe I'll just bootleg your movie to rip you off, so I can see that my fears are validated- that not one reasonably intellectual Christian was recorded in the making of this film.
Watch the trailer, here
http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi3857252633/
You don't get it. One does not have to be an intellectual to be saved by Jesus Christ. You don't have to be anything. You can receive Jesus on basis of God's grace by faith alone. There's no works involved, no intellect needed.
But that does not mean God doesn't give plenty of his people brains. There is a huge array of Christian intellectuals out there, but you don't even consider them. I may have just watched the trailer of your new film Religuous, but I did not see Ravi or Piper or Tim Keller or Sproul or Riddlebarger represented. There were lots of beautiful people you interviewed and made a total fool of, who did not have the apologetics or who were matched in your intellect to show you down. To prove you wrong. Interesting choice.
But yes, even those intellectuals will be foolish in your sight. For God chooses the foolish to shame the wise. There a lot of Christians out there who do not have a good grasp of theology or apologetics, but this is because some churches are not out there teaching it. I don't think that's a good thing, I that Christians should always be prepared to give good reason. But that does not mean that these people don't have good hearts. And it does not make them robots. Not all humans are blessed with your high, austere level of intellect. Thank God. We would all be very cold-hearted, pretentious individuals who glorify ourselves, deeply crooked beings in our nature, instead of glorifying what is ultimately Good and Righteous. I thank God for these "crazy" people. They show passion, devotion, spirit and heart. Much more than your stone-like cynicism will ever achieve.
So if you wanna take on Christianity, or faith in general, as you do in your film. Go to the theologians, people who study faith and study reason and still believe. I would have to watch your movie to see if you do that or not, but after viewing your trailer, I am deeply disturbed and would not like to send $10 your way. Maybe I'll just bootleg your movie to rip you off, so I can see that my fears are validated- that not one reasonably intellectual Christian was recorded in the making of this film.
Watch the trailer, here
http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi3857252633/
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